Survivor Stories

A 37-year-old mother of two young children contacted Safe Harbour as she was having ongoing problems with control and verbal abuse from her ex-husband.  They had divorced some nine months prior and she had an order of protection as she had been severely beaten during their marriage.   Since the divorce she was trying to settle into her new home with the children.   Her ex-husband continued to harass her by text messages and threaten her in spite of her protection order.  She had an outreach counseling session with the Social Worker and she was given information about shelter and our support group.  She attended support group and is learning about boundaries.  She has reported several violations of her protection order to police and is now starting to take control of her future.  She is learning the importance of the boundaries between herself and her x husband.  She now knows that although he has permission, through the protection order, to contact her about the children he is not however permitted to harass or threaten her.  She is beginning the healing process and is starting to make informed decisions about her future.  She continues to grow and is becoming emotionally stronger with each support group visit.  She understands that the shelter is a safe place she can come to with the children if she is afraid.  She understands that without proper boundaries victims of abuse can continue to be controlled, threatened and harassed after the divorce process has ended.  She is starting to enjoy her independence.

A 34-year-old mother of one child contacted Safe Harbour when she was attempting to leave a very abusive relationship.  She needed help with safety planning.  Safe Harbour helped her draw up a comprehensive safety plan for them both.  As a result, she was able to leave safely and create a new independent life.  She is thriving on her independence and continues to grow emotionally.  She has gained much needed self-confidence.  She has a full time job and has purchased a new home.  She is dealing with visitation issues surrounding her child but has a good understanding of her the dynamics of family violence and the boundaries required for a safe and productive exchange and visit. She continues to attend support group.  She is now able to offer advice and support to new members attempting to leave abusive relationships.

A senior gentleman who was undergoing cancer treatment was referred to Safe Harbour as he was being abused at home by his wife.  He had always suffered from verbal, emotional and mental abuse but as his health deteriorated the abuse turned physical as he could no longer protect himself.  He had, at times, been held against his will in a room by his wife and she had prevented him from attending his chemotherapy treatments.  After he left, he was exhausted from the abuse and was covered in bruises from the beating.  He needed a safe place to go, and Safe Harbour was able to provide this for him.  He has begun the healing process and is making great strides forward with plans for the future.  He met with Legal Aid of Western Ohio and Adult Protective Services in our trauma room where he feels safe and comfortable.  He has told us that his quality of life has greatly improved since coming to Safe Harbour.  He is sleeping well and his general health has improved.  He is continuing to take steps towards independence and is planning to file for divorce.  His hope is to be able to get an apartment near the lake so that he can go fishing whenever he likes.  He regularly attends our support group and is a very positive individual.  This reminds us that men are also victims of abuse.

A 21-year-old mother of a 2-month old baby came to Safe Harbour as she was being abused physically, emotionally, mentally and financially by her boyfriend, with whom she had been living.  She had to move out after a series of dangerous and violent incidents.  Fortunately, she was able to move into her parents’ home.  She was referred to Safe Harbour by the Prosecutor’s Office, Victim Advocate program.   She had obtained a Civil Protection Order but it was being violated by her now ex-boyfriend.  She is very afraid of him.  Unfortunately, she lost her job when her employer found out she had a protection order. Her employer felt that the work environment was unsafe and other employees may be put a risk.   She began to attend our support group which is helping her cope with her particular situation.   Her self-esteem was very, very low as was her self-confidence.  Since attending group her self-confidence is slowly coming back.  She has been able to obtain alternative employment and is enjoying her new job.  She has all financial responsibility for herself and the baby.  She is not receiving any financial support from the abuser. She is learning about the legal process and is filing police reports of the violations of her protection order.  She is learning how to keep herself and the baby safe.  She now faces a custody battle with the father of her child and has retained legal representation for this.  She is working on her plan and coping well with the turmoil that has been caused by the domestic violence and abuse. She struggles however with the grief of the failed relationship but is becoming stronger and realizing that it is not her fault and she and her baby cannot live a life of fear and abuse. Her attendance at support group is not only helping herself but helping others.  As she remains connected with us we will be able provide support and help her heal and become independent.

A young woman contacted us for some help in leaving a very abusive relationship.  She had been married at a very young age and had never been allowed to work outside the home.  Everything she did was controlled by her abuser.  Her social life, what she ate, when slept and even who she could speak with.  She had four children one of which was a minor.  Our shelter program was explained to her and she wanted to plan to leave the relationship.  She was afraid to do so without a safety plan.  She developed a safety plan with our LSW and implemented it and left the home.  She arrived at Safe Harbour, created a case plan with our LSW and started to follow the steps.  She had no work history but managed to find a job and began working almost immediately after her arrival at the shelter.  We were able to provide help with gas and clothing until she received her first pay check.  All of the local resources were explained to her.  She was able to get help with housing from the rapid rehousing program from the VOA.  Catholic Charities were able to provide furniture items for her apartment.  Some group members were able to donate things that she needed for her apartment. She secured assistance with utilities and was able to move into her new home with her minor child within 24 days of leaving her abusive relationship.  She attends support group regularly and is living proof of what can be achieved within a short time.  She is able to share with other survivors her success story and has helped many already.  She is completely independent and is enjoying her new life free from abuse.  Her children have witnessed her become strong and independent and this is a great example for them as they navigate their way through life.

Continuing abuse that even after the courage shown to leave an abusive relationship and the follow through in a divorce our clients often continue to be abused financially.  This story is of a woman who thought she had completed the cycle of abuse finalizing a lengthy and very costly divorce which separated assets and debts. Unfortunately, the ex-husband in this case escaped his share of the debt by filing for bankruptcy which in turn passed the debt back to our client. So the cycle of abuse which is now financial continues for her. This is a regular occurrence for victims of domestic abuse. She will have to meet his obligation to the debt because he failed to uphold the order of the court.  She will have to file bankruptcy and start again from scratch financially.  This is where support group is very helpful, as an ongoing resource for our survivors.

A mother of two small children had been assaulted in her home by her husband in front of her children. He had pushed her down and the children were trying to help her.  One of her children called police to help.  At the time the mother was trying to protect the children as their father had become enraged about something and took it out on the children.  She felt helpless and very, very guilty that the children had been treated this way.  All of them were extremely traumatized by what had taken place.  She was able to get a protection order which included protection for the children.  Her husband felt entitled to see the children and contacted her regardless of the court order.  He had no regard for the trauma he had caused his family.  The victim began coming to support group to learn how to set her boundaries and how to stay safe under the circumstances.  She was becoming increasingly anxious about impending visitation.  Her children were so afraid of their father after witnessing him assault their mother.  She started counseling for the children to help them process what had happened. Visitation was organized at Kinship for obvious safety reasons.  She prepared the children the best she could and reassured them that someone would be there to help keep them safe.  She was able to file for divorce and have many of the issues she was having addressed in the temporary orders.  She is receiving moral support from the other members of the group who have all had similar issues.  More recently, unsupervised visitation was granted, and the children were very reluctant to see their father alone.  The mother is equally afraid but is remaining confident in front of the children.  She has had trouble with the sudden end to the marriage by this violence and has accepted it was not her fault.  She is building a new life with her children and is building confidence as she goes.  With the pandemic crisis underway the court process for the divorce is very slow.  She is not receiving any kind of financial support from her husband to help her manage the family.  Safe Harbour has been able to help her with finding resources and with gift cards to help her get the things she needs in this time of crisis. We are very proud of how far she has come and she is beginning to help other new members in group navigate the processes victims face after abuse.

Safe Harbour received a telephone call from a young mother of three children.  She was being abused emotionally and financially by her husband of 13 years.  She had been coping on her own with this for a long time but wanted to make changes and create a better life for herself and her children.  She met with our social worker and it was apparent that she felt stuck and did not really recognize the extent of the abuse she had been suffering.  She needed to develop a safety plan for leaving as it was clear that her husband had no intention of making any changes to his behavior.  She developed a plan and got to safety and filed for divorce.  As her divorce is progressing she is becoming more and more independent.  She is learning to cope alone but also learning to navigate life and manage her children who have been so negatively impacted by the continual emotional and financial abuse inflicted by their father. As in so many cases abuse continues through the divorce process and thereafter. Coping with that takes a toll and continuing support is needed.  Connecting with our support group is giving her the support she needs to remain strong throughout this process.  She is now able to support other new participants and guide them as they begin their journey.

At the beginning of the year a mother of three school age children came to an outreach with our social worker.  This mother was also a full time teacher.  She had been having trouble with her abusive husband and was now unable to get into her home.  While she was out of town with the children on a planned trip he had locked her and the children out of the house. The temperatures were very low and the whole family had returned to their home unable to make entry.  They were all very tired from their very long journey and she called a relative to help them.  An aunt was kind enough to provide accommodation in her home for the entire family.  The next day the mother arranged an outreach with our social worker to get some help with the situation.  She was offered shelter and advised to contact law enforcement but they provided no help or guidance and could not help her make entry to the house. We were able to provide her with items she needed including clothing for herself and her children, household supplies, personal supplies, school supplies, warm coats, hats and gloves as well as boots for the children.  Eventually she made entry to the house but the local police approached her and threatened to arrest her for entering her own home to get the things her children needed.  After a tense discussion they allowed her to leave with some things that she needed.  Her husband had destroyed most of her things as well as the childrens’ things.  Her husband was refusing to talk with her or answer her calls.  She was left no option but to file for divorce which prompted some communication but he refused to speak with her directly and would only communicate through the children or her aunt.  The victim here was extremely confused at her husband’s strange behavior.  In time, in support group she realized that her husband had been very emotionally abusive and she described some violent behaviors that she did not realize were also not ok.  She learned that the children were being victimized by their father and has arranged counseling for them.   Her divorce is progressing in the courts and she is becoming stronger.  We continue to provide the things she needs.  She is continuing with support group and is in touch with the social worker regularly.  We will continue to support this victim until she is able to support herself and her children.